25 & Trying

Flowing My Way Into Monday

Going with the Flow...easier said than done?

On Sunday evenings, I get the familiar pain of realizing it is in fact Sunday evening. It has been a problem for me since I began entering the work force, even as an intern. I recognized that the week was starting, and the guttural reaction for me was to become anxious. People would be stressed out, and wasn’t it natural to anticipate things before they happened?

At my first “real office job” I was always tense. I would show up earlier than my boss so that I could breathe for a few minutes before she arrived. I was always nervous.

As we progress in careers, and in life, we become adapted to our situations. But this “Sunday fear” has not gone away. I have even noticed myself shying away from scheduling things on Sundays that will make me stressed, anticipating that I will be stressed from this FEELING.

Stressing about stressing is, my friends, quite stressful.

Yesterday, I was tested. We were scheduled to have lunch at a friend of my husband’s house. It was far away. It would require Metro rides followed by car rides and lots of people that I didn’t know. It would also require making sure that we didn’t stay there for 10 hours – as it would take over an hour to return to DC. I was stressed.

My husband recounted to me that sometimes he hesitates on pursuing plans that he knows will stress me further. I wonder if he realizes it is particularly on Sundays. I’m sure he does, he is quite perceptive.

Last night, laying in bed reading I was getting the familiar anxious feeling. What would the week bring? Would I be able to handle it? Were there going to be obstacles?

It’s funny how so much of the time that we spend worrying, we have no idea what type of energy we are really expending. Worrying and fidgeting can burn up to 400 calories per day. Imagine, without a gym! Regardless, I was laying there and thinking about things I couldn’t possibly prepare for.

Among all of the other goals/themes/resolutions of 2010, I have found myself searching for a cure for my ultimate problem: I must get rid of my Sunday blues. Somehow, some way. It has to come to an end. I want to feel empowered and excited about my week and about the opportunities ahead.

Realistic, but not pessimistic. This should get tattooed somewhere on my body. A constant reminder of the ability to look at things from one side and not the other. This is the thing we have to remember we have control over, and use it to remain empowered. One case of Sundays at a time.