25 & Trying

Money Awkwardness.

Figuring out the Art of Raises.

Everyone is entrenched in their beliefs about money. We are surrounded by it. Our purchases are made with it in mind, and the decisions that occur when standing in a dressing room staring at a new outfit, are made while considering our values about money. I have always had a really difficult relationship with it. I work really hard but don’t make a lot (everyone has a nonprofit sob story like this). I’ve developed a phobia about spending.

When I was young, I was always comfortable. I don’t remember being in circumstances that I worried about money, until one day I did. In middle school, things changed. My father had an irreparable fight with his mother, and all of a sudden, finances became the be-all-end-all of our family discussions.

I didn’t really understand at the beginning. Why was it that I was in private school, but couldn’t afford new clothes every year? Is there a reason that everyone else got more than I did at birthdays? Frankly, I met my own ultimate financial quandary: I had been a privileged person my whole life, and I didn’t realize it until everything was taken away.

For a number of years, we lived on credit cards. We had one car, and it wasn’t until I was finally in late high school that things started changing for the better. My mother got a major promotion, and things were beginning to feel normal. But it did damage to my father that could never be undone. He has never stopped acting like they are one step away from bankruptcy.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth. But the reality is, that everyone lives in their own world with money. We are confused 100% of the time, and usually tell ourselves we are 100% together.

The reason I bring this up is not to blabber on and on about budgeting. That can be saved for another post. This week I was in the fortunate position to negotiate my own raise. For the first time in 5 years.

I had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. Like literally. I read 1,000,000 blog posts about it. Including this one. And this one . None really made me feel better. They mostly made me feel sweaty.

And I had it relatively easy. I had been approached by the president and my boss, telling me that they wanted to offer me a review and salary increase. I didn’t HAVE to have the awkward “um… I need more dough, yo” conversation. I had bypassed it entirely. But I was still awkward. No one trained me for it.

It actually wound up fine. Granted, I wasn’t dealing with the most intimidating person in the world, but I forced myself out of my comfort zone.

So here’s some advice I impart to you, when faced with this daunting task ahead:

Have an open mind. This is really common sense when dealing with others, but I think some people forget that it HAS to also apply to money. Especially if you are dealing with a nonprofit, you are always going to get push-back on funds.

Think about your REAL needs first. Don’t agree to take a salary where your rent will suffer, where you can’t afford electricity or a phone. These are concessions you will regret later. No one will be your advocate if you won’t push for yourself.

Always have Respect. This applies both for yourself, and for your boss/president/organization. Things may be frustrating at times, but you never know the WHOLE story – and until you do, being disrespectful in these circumstances can outdo all good you’ve been doing.

Celebrate your victories. But don’t lose focus or momentum.

I think everyone’s relationship with money is messed up. And I think most of us feel weird about talking about raises. If nothing else, I hope that we can try to open the dialogue. We’re all human, after all.