When Pushing Yourself = Disaster
Determination/Dedication
I am notoriously hard on myself. About everything. Ever. It is really ridiculous when I think about it objectively, but I just can’t seem to stop. 25 years of entrenched behavior has turned me a bit critical of myself at all times. Lately, I have struggled with two very big things that have been pulling at me: motivation and understanding.
I signed up for the Brooklyn Half Marathon next weekend to run with my friend Michelle. It is her first half marathon which is quite an exciting achievement and we plan to celebrate together. I’m, needless to say, not very prepared. After the stress of the Earth Day campaign and the lack of free time I’ve had overall, it has been hard to motivate myself to get back into a routine. My routine had been so exhausting that dragging myself back outside with my running shoes on has been a feat (no pun intended.)
Yesterday, B and I had a bit of a tiff about me being so hard on myself. I was explaining to him how if I don’t exercise, I berate myself for not doing so. If I exercise and tire quickly, I berate myself even more (even though logically, that is progress compared to doing nothing at all.) I know it may all sound like internal girl whining — and that is a FAIR assessment folks — but really, it is rough on me.
I have always been a perfectionist. From reading to math (oh wait, I was terrible at math. but I still stressed about it so it counts) and everything in between, I have always pushed myself. It can get so irritating that it even irritates me! With running, and exercise in general, I have SUCH a love/hate relationship. Once I get into the routine, I love it. Fall out of the routine? It is like an addict forcing themselves to return to sobriety….again.
Bottom line: I am nervous about this race. I am also frustrated with myself, because exercising helps my mood, the mood levels in my brain, all that good stuff. I know the reasons why I should, but it’s not always easy to be rational when it comes to fears that come from deep within.
Knowing the answer and making it happen are definitely not one and the same.
Challenges, Running | Beth Oppenheim May 13, 2010
1 Comment to “When Pushing Yourself = Disaster”
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By Tyler Durbin, May 19, 2010 @ 9:17 am
Beth-
Thanks for helping me realize so many thigns — about myself!
I’ve been pretty dedicated to a healthy lifestyle but I seem to be so involved in other things that my routine rarely lasts a week anymore. Now that I say that, that’s for every part of my life. I feel like one week i’m really dedicated to working out, the next week I’m spending all my free time on my blog, the other is OT at work…it’s never consistent.
The realization is that I need to scale back just a couple of things so I can give a consistent effort and fit all I want to in to my life. Thanks for sharing!
-Tyler