25 & Trying

The First Day of School Picture

When I graduated college, my mom decided she wanted to be creative, and made this huge collage of pictures and things from my past. She took all of these old pictures and put them together in a really nice way in a really nice frame. For her, this was extremely artistic/creative since she doesn’t usually do things like this.

One of the most notorious pictures, that has been a beloved favorite of my friend Michelle, is the one from my first day of kindergarten. Since I went to the same school from K-12, this was really just the beginning of one looooong day of school. In the picture, I am wearing a purple and black dress full of bows. I am doing some sort of pose that says “HELLO WORLD! HERE I COME!” The best part is that for the backpack, I am instead wearing a tote bag with ballet slippers on it.

Either way, its a hilarious blast-from-the-past picture. It’s one that says that I didn’t know exactly where my path was going to lead, but I was going to go there anyways! With confidence!

If I could talk to young Beth today, I would probably not tell her anything. I wouldn’t ruin the next 12 years of her life by telling her that she would have ups and downs. I wouldn’t impress upon her lessons that cannot possibly be learned by a 4 year old.

Today, 20 years later, I rarely leave the house quite that victorious. I certainly don’t leave it with a ballet bag. I usually leave the house thinking about how many other things I could be doing if I wasn’t going to work.

I could be learning a new language. Traveling to a new country. Sleeping. Eating. Running. Dreaming.

Instead I do the same thing that responsible Beth always does. I go to Starbucks, I go to work, and I think about the things I could be doing instead. Is this what 4 year old Beth was fearing?

I doubt it. She had possibility and adventure, and she never took a moment for granted. So now, at this point, I am slowly learning what it is to be 25. 25 and trying.